Welcome to the VtMB Shrine!

"Bloodlines is just LaCroix screaming from the comfort of his racecar bed."
~ Pearlnight, just now

Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines (or VtMB for short, as I'll be calling it) is an urban fantasy/horror RPG by Troika Games, based on the tabletop RPG Vampire: The Masquerade, and is a great starting point if you're curious about that game. Basically, you gotta survive your first nights as a vampire in this delightfully 2000s gothic-punk world.

In VtMB, you've just been embraced into vampirism and OH SHIT, YOUR SIRE'S EXECUTED AND YOU ALMOST GOT EXECUTED AW HELL NAW!! Thankfully, a vampire by the name Nines Rodriguez speaks out against your execution and thus, its halted. Otherwise it'd be a very short game. Anyways, you're pulled into the world of vampires who call themselves "Kindred" and their endless warring based on Sect, Clan and Generation, among other things, all while you're told its the Final Nights with stuff about ancient vampires rising to eat their childer.

In this game, play as one of the original 7 clans from the tabletop game, each based on a different vampire media archetype: For example, you have the angry anarchist punk rock Brujahs, the feral and untamed Gangrel, the artsy and seductive Toreador, the self-explanatory Nosferatu, and so on. Each clan has their own special vampire powers, called Disciplines, that can range from super strength to mind control to contagious madness to BLOOD BURST MOTHERFUCKER! But these powers don't come without their price, as you must feed on the living and drink their blood to sustain your life, lest you enter a Frenzy and start slurping necks out in public. On top of that, each clan comes with a unique curse: For example, Gangrels and especially Brujahs have a harder time passing Frenzy checks, Malkavians have supernatural madness that can never be cured, and Ventrue are picky ass bitches who can only drink one type of blood. (Rest assured, in the video game proper, it just means you can't drink hobo blood).

On top of all of that, you have to abide by the Masquerade and keep humans oblivious to your new state, all while navigating the chaos of vampire politicking when you can't even walk out into the sun without catching on fire.

In VTMB in particular, you're caught up in the Prince of the Camarilla, Sebastian Lacroix's, plan to get his hands on the Ankharan Sarcophagus. Rumor has it that there's a sleeping Antedilluvian in there, and that LaCroix wants to commit the unspeakable sin of Diablerie: That is, when a vampire completely drains a fellow vampire to inherit their strength. Vampire cannibalism.

This game has multiple endings, depending on whether you wanna fight as an Anarch, survive as an Independent, seize the throne with Strauss at the top of the Camarilla, betray your kind for the Kuei-Jinn, or just straight up side with LaCroix like a fucking idiot.

Why Do I Love This Game?

Sweet Caine where do I start. Let's try to go over it, but don't expect like, sanity after a while lol

The Atmosphere.

Dear. Fucking. GOD. The atmosphere. The atmosphere legit just fucks, I don't know how else to say it. Everything is caked in this grimy gothic flair: Trash everywhere, dark alleys a plenty (perfect for midnight snacks), dirty sewers, and yet, you'll see towering statues, grotesque gargoyles watching above LA, and of course, shockingly gorgeous castley goth stuff mixed in. You'll be in a dingy apartment one minute, only to be in the elegant yet still musty feeling Chantry the next. NPCs are all sewer goblins, gothic icons of elegance or some combo of the two. Bats fly in the sky over you, rain pours down in Santa Monica, the full moon is out, and you get to hear the amazing soundtrack composed by Rik Schaffer. If you got the Plus Patch, you're gonna hear all of that motherfucker.

Its incredibly ominous, creepy, unsettling and yet, oh so comfy. Maybe its just delightfully vampiric without feeling artificially clean or safe. Or maybe living in Gadsden's fucked with me that I find this cozy, but dear lord, it's one of the reasons I didn't want this game to end. It just, pulls you into its world, makes you feel like a vampire and shoves you wherever it can with a smile on its face. Did I mention it also puts real life goth rock/metal album covers, and has fucking goth nightclubs? I'll continue on that in a bit.

The Characters.

The characters only reinforce the atmosphere, in addition to being absolute nutcases themselves. In this gothic-punk adventure, you have Sebastian LaCroix, the pompous and entertaining Draco Malfoy-core looking ass, you have the cool Anarch Prince Nines Rodriguez, the rad biker former pirate Jack who is your adoptive sire and prankster mastermind, a DID system featuring a goth mommy and goth girl with PIGTAILS (very important) and lord I could go on and on for ages. Even the fucking shopkeeper NPCs have unexpected flavor and only add to the world you're in, what with a former drug dealer jiver man just selling shit out of his truck, to a convenience store cashier selling FUCKING GUNS OF ALL THINGS to an actual goddamn serial killer.

While these characters are silly and can be summarized in equally goofy ways, many of them still feel very...Real. They have trauma, they've seen shit. The vampires all cling onto some veneer of humanity (save for the Sababt obviously), and you're repeatedly faced with the isolation they experience, most notably former actor Ash Rivers who is literally depressed thanks to his Embrace, as he can no longer do movies and is now on the run from vampire hunters. The Voerman sisters are CSA survivors and represent opposite extremes of coping with the trauma. Velvet has some kind of tragic backstory we don't even know fully about, other than that she clearly came from a rough place and wants to leave it behind. The player themselves have to face Samantha, a friend they had from their human life that they HAVE to get rid of or lead off their scent, just to protect the Masquerade.

And that's only the beginning. In general, vampirism is a tragic state to be in, as a bunch of undead former humans cling onto power, politics and all of their imaginary rules in hopes of holding onto the charred remains of their humanity. They're not even able to enjoy the little things like eating food, the warmth of the sun on a spring day, or even forgiveness from the lord considering True Faith is a thing that can harm them. Sure, they got each other, and yeah, blood is so fucking good to them that it makes up for it, but the truth of the matter is, vampirism is at best, a double-edged sword you can't undo and even at their most petulant, most unreasonable and petty, you remember this and it adds so much context to their existence. And I fucking adore that.

The Choices.

The world of Kindred society asks for at least some social skills, as you can't just eat and stab everyone you don't like (not openly! Gotta be sneaky!!). So, this game puts a focus on socializing with the NPCs, and choices you have to make. Obviously, I'd love that even if it didn't affect anything, I love me some chitchat in games! But here, everything you say and do has a consequence, and on top of that, you'll have to get sneaky more often than not. Within the game, depending on your Clan and Disciplines, you can Persuade people via some pretty wrods, Seduce them with your titties, Intimidate them with threats, use Dominate to force them to do what you say if you're Tremere or Ventrue, and my personal favorite, fuck with their brain directly via Dementate to get them to just DO THE THING you need them to do.

On the flipside, who you ally with, who you make enemies with, who you spare and who you kill will affect the world around you. Kill an NPC, they ain't coming back. Ally with a sect, they'll let you in, but if you make enemies with them, they don't want your ass. And this game will force you to make hard decisions, demonstrated best with Therese and Jeanette. Unless you managed to get very lucky and ally with both equally with ridiculously high social stats early in the game, you will have to choose which alter to save, and which one dies. Gets swallowed up into the system? Idk anyways, PICK ONE, while they're arguing and showing that they're very, very fucking traumatized. And then when you've finally made the hard choice and only one of the sisters remains, she's heartbroken, distressed. Even if it seems like she's won for now, Jeanette will remark on how lonely it is without Therese (don't recall if Therese says anything similar tho...I'll replay and check soon). And you will walk away, feeling like a fucking monster no matter what.

You see Heather in the hospital, dying and you decide to Ghoul her to save her life. If you decide to keep her and don't shoo her away, you'll be hanging out with her as she does anything and everything for you. She'll even give you money, girl loves ya! But if she stays with you, the Sabbat will hit you where it hurts, and kill her right in front of you. BITCH THAT WAS MY GHOUL HOW DARE YOU-

That interaction I mentioned with Samantha is also a good example of this. You can either violate the Masquerade and let your presence known as a vampire, or you can try to persuade her, lie to her. But if you don't have that, don't have Dominate or Dementate or anything else social...You'll have to kill her with your bare hands. Lord knows I did that on my first playthrough as I panicked and the next thing I knew, blood was on my hands...

Vampirism itself is constantly balancing between sacrificing yourself, your Beast, for the Masquerade and the safety of your loved ones, and sacrificing others for your safety and enjoyment. Again I love that shit about vampirism!! YES!! TORTURE MY HEART!!

On top of everything, the fate of L.A. is all in your hands. You see, L.A. is normally an Anarch state, but the Camarilla have slowly been creeping on in, along with the Kuei-Jinn. So who you side with, you have the power to decide who gets to rule L.A. Will you let the Camarilla hijack the safe haven for the Anarchs, or will you push their bougie asses out?

The Gothness.

The game, much like the original tabletop gameline and its universe, is utterly caked in gothic love. All of the player character designs have at least a little bit of gothy grungy flavor. Your haven has a Lacuna Coil record on the wall. One of the very first locations you go to is a goth club where upon entrance, you're greeted with a sexy big tiddy goth girl WITH PIGTAILS (again, this is important) as you see human NPCs off in the distance dressed in gothy gear dance the night away. Beckett, who is practically the mascot for VtM in general, will show up and you see he's a sexy British scholar with long black hair, sunglasses to cover up his glowing eyes and a freaking trenchcoat, and can turn into a wolf! Many vampires in the game are morbidly elegant like Therese and Strauss, others are rugged, punky badasses like Jack and Damsel. But its not just vampires in on the fun, as we have Knox with his adorable vampire-loving jacket, Vandal looking like a dollar store Jeff the Killer but make it nonwhite, and you can even dress up Heather to be extra gothy! Even the humans can get gothy considering Venus exists in all her big tiddy goth gf glory.

Hell, the soundtrack gets gothy too, considering we have Isolated by Chiasm, Bloodlines by Ministry, Lecher Bitch by Genitorturers, and fucking DANIEL ASH OF BAUHAUS pops up when you get the easter egg ending! I mean, for fuck's sake, one of the endings is watching the Ventrue Tower burn as Lacuna Coil's Swamped plays.

Every part of this game, from head to toe, is given a gothic touch that is clearly by goths, for goths. Remember, this game came out in 2004 and while goths weren't hunted for sport back then, remember that goth wasn't as mainstream and accessorized as it is today. We didn't talk about big tiddy goth GFs at the time, let's just say that. The game looks at goths and other darkness loving brethren and says "hey, come over here, get those fake fangs on, we got a game for you!". I have never played a game that felt so welcoming to me before. The absolute closest is like, Animal Crossing but even then that's more just because its a laid-back game where the worst characters say is comedically childish insults. This game, on the other hand, is ready to smash your heart into a million pieces and make you do weird shit for a sarcophagus, but it knows you're a goth if you're playing it and treats you kindly on that front. The game will snark all day, but no NPC mocks you for the way you dresses as a goth, nor do they even imply its weird.

In a World of Darkness where everything will fuck you up, it's refreshing. And it speaks volumes.

The Silliness.

As much as I wax poetic about how deep and tragic things are, and how it can take itself seriously despite it, the game is self-aware that you're playing what's basically a vampire-painted fetchquest for a dusty ass coffin box for a spoiled brat. LaCroix is a dangerous man seeking to betray his own kind and commit the one sin most Kindred dare not touch, but also, he's a fruity pissbaby who throws the funniest of tantrums and will throw you out if you say you quit. But you have to go along with him to continue the game's story. So you have to go and apologize to him.

Lemme repeat that. He holds the game hostage until you apologize to his stupid ass. For real.

Yes, Jeanette is a deeply, deeply traumatized, tormented woman who's hypersexuality is a coping mechanism, but also she's a fucking madwoman who puts weird ass stickers on her mirror like fucking "HONK FOR JESUS" and one about gun rights of all things, with her whole spat with Therese being her boning Bertram who's UGLY and YUCKY and THAT'S SOOOOO NASTY according to Therese.

You speak to Beckett and he tells you he got information from vampire hunters after dangling them off a rooftop by their ankles. You pick up a book and realize you can't read it as the game informs you that you're a product of the American education system and therefore can't read. And that if life was video games, you're E.T. for the 2600. You pass by a vending machine as you often do, and they seem to be selling rather unique drinks, such as the Dirty Sanchez and DANK STANK. You turn on the radio to hear Deb of the Night and her whacked out callers (including Andrei the Tzimisce). Even when you're on the prowl hunting, you can hear the homeless people go on about crab nipples.

And don't even get me started on the Malkavian player character. If you play as Malkavian, you go from typical video game guy with some snark to actual goddamn Fish Malk on steroids. In addition to experiencing their weird audio hallucinations, you get to talk like a madman. You can trick Samantha into thinking your her lost turtle. You can trick the critic into thinking he's eating maggots. You can tell Nines about your scheme to trick the Werewolf into thinking you two are werewolves. You can fucking send one of the Thin-Bloods off with a blood pack, stake and a pack of bubblegum to fight LaCroix after you trick him into thinking that he's the head vampire (and you come to see his dead body in the Ventrue Tower later on). You can just full on have a mental breakdown in the taxi during the final part of the game. You get into a fight with a STOP SIGN and can TALK TO THE MAN IN THE TV!!

Oh and if you're Nosferatu, everyone will comment how fucking ugly you are, with Fat Larry calling you a "testtube crack baby", and if you're can legit scare the old lady at the diner to death.

And don't even get me started on the amazingly bad yet iconic dance everyone can and will do.

And that's just what's intentional: the game was made in 2004 on the Source Engine, and was rushed, so the physics are wonky, glitches are present even when you get the Plus Patch and when enemies die in melee combat, I swear they fly across the room and get stuck in a wall or in the floor. I have been entrapped by Tripp's door a few times, got stuck behind a homeless man and had to kill him to get out, got stuck on the chairs and table in the Smoke Shop in Santa Monica, and managed to wrongwarp Vandal of all people in two different playthroughs to get him to spawn in Grout's Mansion without even realizing he wasn't supposed to be there.

Yeah.

Normally, glitches can break the experience and they can be annoying, but my god these are at least really funny and adds to the chaotic vibe this game has.

But back to it, no matter how silly the game is or how it can be self-aware, it still stays very genuine and emotionally tense rather than just snarking at itself. Characters might snark, you'll see weird shit, but the game will pull back and remind you they're still people.

It got me into the World of Darkness in general

Thanks to this game, I started reading PDFs of the original game, then PDFs of its sister gamelines like Werewolf: The Apocalypse, Mage: The Ascension, Hunter: The Reckoning and more! While there are themes that have aged like milk (namely how POC are depicted), there's a lot to like about this batshit gothic-punk world where every supernatural is super cool and also super tragic. And of course, that got me into TTRPGs in general and now I own a few PDFs, have a couple of WoD OCs but have no clue what to do with them since idk who to play the games with. Though I will say, actually reading through the sourcebooks for information is a bit hard for my ADHD dyslexia brain sometimes.

It makes you feel like a fucking Vampire

Alright, no more Mr. Normal Guy here, I'm otherkin and my god this game hits my Vampirekin spot. You roam the streets and feed upon the kine within, drinking their blood and feeling yourself gain their power as your blood meter fills, listening to the heartbeat that plays. You can even feed on enemies in combat! I don't know how to explain it, it just rubs the vampirekin part of my soul very well. Yee. Also while playing, I kept hissing at doors I couldn't lockpick. Yee. Don't worry, the only blood I'll drink is me pretending Mountain Dew Code Red is blood lol.

Favourite Things

☥ Favorite Clan: Gangrel/Malkavian

☥ Favorite Sect: Anarchs, baby! I am an antichrist! And I am an anarchist!

☥ Favorite Characters:

• Favorite Vampires: Its a tie between LaCroix, the Voerman Sisters and Beckett.
  
  LaCroix for being a fucking Joffrey Baratheon-wave Republican's son looking ass who is just so utterly pathetic and annoying that I just have to adore him. I want to punt him across the room and call him a cracker, I love him and bullying him, dude's just too much in one man. Love him and want him to come back despite having been literally blown up.
  
  The Voerman Sisters for being genuinely tragic characters and shockingly accurate to what I've seen of DID. Bless their fucking hearts. Also, Jeanette is horny, guilt-trips you and is just a disaster all around and has PIGTAILS (I promise I'll explain its importance), while Therese is a GOTH MOMMY who will probably step on me. I just love them and their dynamic and I pray I can save both on a playthrough sometime.
  
  Beckett is suave, intellectual yet got a sassy attitude to him, and he's quite notorious for his Noddism shenanigans. He's definitely well known and is here to reassure and guide you while also snarking his way through it. Also, he's above this petty Sect bullshit, he's not about to be bossed around by some fucking blond adult baby. Also he turns into a WOLF. Enough said!


• Favorite Ghoul: Vandal Cleaver.
  
  Alright, you saw it coming, this foul fucking rat who looks like he's made of hate and a Hot Topic tee shirt is my fave Ghoul. He's just absolutely fucked up in every way and shows off the Malkavian clan at its most disturbed without even being a vampire. The implications around him as an actual fucking nurse who is a serial killer with very clear incel tendencies is incredibly disturbing...Except he's now having to work his ass off for hungry vampires like you and probably has to pay vampire taxes all because he wanted to suck goth mommy tiddies. Ha. He deserves it. I wanna shove him into a blender but then like, have him come back so I can study him. Then blend him again.


• Favorite Human: Fat Larry.
  
  Finally, a shopkeeper who doesn't suck (TAKE THAT VANDAL), we got FUCKING FAT LARRY! The coolest of the cool, he gotcha back. He sells ya weapons and gear outside of his truck, he's fat with a big ol' F-A-T and he doesn't give a fuck! Plus, if you go on his Traffik quest, he'll boost your Finance! Also this sigma male gets to fuck Venus Dare! ICONIC.

☥ Favorite Disciplines: Dementate, Protean and Animalism.

Dementate cuz FUCK YOU GO CRAZY GO DIE, Protean because ooooooo la creatura and Animalism so you can summon la creaturas. 10/10 would spend Blood Points again.

☥ Favorite Quests: The Therese and Jeanette Quests/ Calling Dr. Grout / Snuff Film Tzimisce Quests

Sorry, gotta shout it out to my girls for sending me to a scary ass fucking haunting house, making me fight a blood guardian and struggling to get Therese to stop shitting herself over Bertram all because Jeanette sucked his dick or something. In all seriousness, an amazing way to show the moral dilemmas in the game, what with you having to choose your favorite girl with the other one to die. Vanish? Get absorbed into the system? Point is you have only one goth gf instead of two.

As for Dr. Grout's quest, yerrifying fucking Malkavian mansion where everything is confusing, everyone is insane and attacking me and oh my god what is happening Jesus Christ I am being attacked oh no. Also, the tapes from Grout documenting his decline into madness is chilling and just. Wow. Fucking love that shit. The scariest part is when you hear the creepy whisper on the phone...And its the same as the whispers you get when you play Malkavian. Love that detail. Also, running out of the fire is nervewracking, and after that you get a sick cutscene of your PC landing epic style ooo.

And then there's the snuff film quests. God this quest starts off creepy as is. First, oh shit, we gotta find a snuff film of all things, and the courier backed out on it. You try to get the dealer, but he runs off. Okay, check a few more clues, go to the cemetary, got the tape! But its incomplete. We gotta go get the full one. After you get Flynn at the Sin Bin to cough up what he knows about the film, and you're lead to receiving a phone call at The Red Dot. You got the key card for Ground 0's secret room and. Oh. Oh no. Music's stopped, what's going- AAUGH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK OH NO THESE WEIRD GEODUDE THINGS ARE ATTACKING ME! And you're lead to this scary as shit snuff film studio! You find out where the creator lives and OH FUCK ITS A FLESH HOUSE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK And its Andrei the Tzimisce!

Fuckng adore the horrible flesh house. I've always been fascinated by the idea of snuff films so neat. Only problem is, it starts the fucking Nosferatu Warrens quest so eeeeeeek.

☥ Favorite Song: Tie between Lecher Bitch by Genitorturers, Bloodlines by Ministry and Swamped by Lacuna Coil.

☥ Favorite Location: The Asylum and Confession. They're so. Literally me.

Shit That Happened in My Game (In no particular order)

• I fed on a homeless guy in a dark alley and I got stuck behind him, to where I had to kill him to get out.


• After Vandal banned me from his cringe fail ghoul blood store, I was like "FINE, FUCK YOU, I DON'T NEED YOUR ASS! I can hunt my OWN blood!"


• Right after, I did Slashterpiece and immediately got beat up by the Blood Guardian because my Blood Pool got low.


• Crouched on the chairs in the Smoke Shop and got stuck bouncing between chairs and the table for all eternity.


• Had sex with Jeanette.


• Got stuck in Tripp's Pawnshop door.


• When I first played the game, I thought Frenzies and Humanity Losses were a lot more serious and legit than they actually were so when I was low on blood, I would hop right into the sewers and feed on whatever rats I could find because I was scared I'd kill someone.


• Used cheats for the first time (besides noclip) during the Gone Fishin' quest when I played for the first time bc I kept running out of blood and didn't wanna Frenzy and eat Yukie.


• Second playthrough, during the Wherefore Art Thou, Mercurio? mission, I sold Morphine to Vandal and had a panic attack cuz I couldn't buy it back from him, only to realize I had like, two extra bottles in my inventory.


• Jumped into a barrel on fire to see if it burned me. It did.


• Also one time I couldn't figure out how to get out of the part of the Warrens where you fight the monster lady and then I thought I just needed to grab a key attached to one of the electric box things. I crouched and mashed buttons trying to figure out how to grab it and then realized my PC (this time, male Gangrel) was hot and I got turned on.


• Wrongwarped Vandal to Grout's Mansion and he attacked me with a knife. Either that or he was still mad about the Lily thing.


• Jumped on LaCroix's head and then jumped on Sheriff, knocking him down. That one was taught to me by Pearl.


• Got banned from Vesuvius because I killed a guy that turned out to be Velvet's buddy? Boytoy?


• Got blown the fuck up.

Rest in Piss

Sebastian "My Dad Will Sue!" LaCroix

1700 or some shit-2004

Rest in piss, beverage. You were the funniest clown, but you had it coming (French).

Other things that died:

• Beachhouse Thugs (NO ONE TOUCHES MERCURIO)
• Gimble
• Crab Nipple Man
• Vandal (RODENT)
• Thin-Blood Guy (tricked him...twice...It was funny!)
• A few cops (ACAB)
• Patty (GET FUCKED LOL)
• Thug guys in Downtwon (DON'T YOU TOUCH MY GOTH GF)
• Brother Kanker (made him bathe)
• Jezebel (begone thot)
• Bishop Vick (Couldn't Celerity your way outta this one, bozo)
• Samantha (NOTHIN PERSONAL JUST GOTTA UPHOLD THE MASQUERADE)
• Julius (sad man)
• Ash (Too emo to live)
• The Hash Slinging Southland Slasher
• Racist Stereotype Thugs
• Heather (RIP girlfriend)
• Andrei and his Squidward lookin ass head
• Beckett's brain cells (Him watching me go along with LaCroix)
• Werewolf (squished 2 death)
• Guys with flaming crossbows (Ming-Xiao what the fuck)
• Ming-Xiao (LaCroix's GF)
• Ming-Xiao's little babies (fuck them kids)
• Magilla Gorilla
• Ankaran Sarcophagus (it went kablooie)
• LaCroix again (he went boomboom)
• My brain
• My freetime
• My taste in men (Thanks Vandal)
• My right hand on numerous occasions (will not disclose why)
• Me (Then I went boomboom)

My boyfriend

So anyways...This is the man my brain decided to call "sexy". Pearl expected me to get into Nines, but my mind decided to get into spiting God apparently. And now, Vandal has to have his own section.

Stupid fucking soft-spoken sadist with long hair who also is a serial killer. Stupid roachy boy, I hate how I keep squealing when I see his grimy ass. At least he's finally been quarantined off of the front page even if I still think concerningly often about his unwashed bussy.

When I first saw him, I immediately was startled by him because it was my first time playing the game and i was like WHAAAAAAT WHY DOES THIS HUMAN KNOW I'M A VAMPIRE...And then he starts selling me blood! Cool! Sure thing, eccentric video game NPC, I'll take one! Mind you, this was my first playthrough, I thought humanity losses and masquerade violations were Serious Business TM and also I have a bad habit of blowing money on healing items in video games. So naturally, as creeped out as I was, I kept visiting the little bastard and immediately seeing that he was a cretin of the highest caliber, telling me about how he killed rats as a kid. Like...Thanks, Vandal, I really needed to know that.

In general, he had a lot of sass for a dinky vendor who is entirely optional, commenting how I'm a weenie hut jr diaper man for uhhh not killing people and instead buying from him. I will admit, I love it when video games have just, weird, unsettling characters for no reason other than to menace the player and dear god this man is a good example of that. Like, I just began to wonder what the HELL this man is up to cuz who decided this one optional NPC needs this much going on??

Turns out, he's up to no good. I wound up doing the Thinned Blood quest a bit later than I should have, so I was just chilling in the Santa Monica Blood Bank and I find a freezer, I type in "Ambrosia" on the key thing and it opens aND VANDAL WHAT THE FUCK. OH HELL NAW HE'S GOT THAT HEAD RIPPER THING FROM THE ONION VIDEO! AND LILY'S IN IT! Naturally, I freed her and instantly she ate a dude. Vandal was very very mad. He was ANGRY! HE WAS PISSED! Except he was a ghoul who looked like...This, and I just found it hilarious. And then he tells me NO MORE BLOOD FOR ME!! Hahaha manlet! But also, this is the first time I've been banned from a store in a video game that didn't result in violence.

And then it hit me. Oh no. I am turned on. I am aroused. Hearing his stupid soft spoken sadist type voice where he sounds like he's gonna cum any second, and then the fact that he's got long-ish hair with staring creepy eyes (albeit said hair is unwashed) and suddenly, I have a shitty new husbando that I just sent Patty to die down for. I dunno, he's my Tumblr daddy dom I guess. Wait, that makes that joke about him thinking I'm a big dumb diaper man or whatever a lot weirder. Oh well. On brand for him.

Also he apparently got arrested for stalking a woman with a taser or some shit?? And ALSO MIGHT'VE DONE SURGERY ON MERCURIO??? VANDAL WHAT ARE YOU DOING???? Makes you think, yanno? (And makes me think a lot about his dong)

My Headcanons

Cuthbert Beckett

⛧ Random Headcanons:

• When he turns into a wolf, he retains his normal mind. So when he howls, he chooses to howl. It's fun!


• He absolutely could've opened the Ankaran Sarcophagus all by himself with brute force, but he decided not to cuz he thought it'd be funny to watch LaCroix try to feebly push it open. And then make you run down to grab a key.


• Feeds his ghoul, Cesare, gallons of caffeine everyday. Just in case he needs to go somewhere, duh!


• In general, has a bad habit of feeding ghouls insane amounts of caffeine, to where he sees it as pseudo-ghouling them. "It's more ethical", he insists.


• As he wears sunglasses, his eyes are protected from sunlight. This is normally a really helpful thing, except this has lead to him walking straight into burning sunlight without thinking, mostly in the first few years of his vampirism. These days he doesn't do that as much...Usually. (Waking up in the middle of the day, man.)


• Apparently in the canon he has actually pretended to be a Malkavian so my headcanon is that he tried to do it once as a young vampire, felt ridiculously embarrassed and vowed to never do it again. His dark secret only elder vampires know (and haunt him with). Even now some vampires aren't sure if he's actually Gangrel until he uses Protean in front of them.


• Has tried to infiltrate Werewolf meetings, of varying success. Sometimes he succeeds and he gets intel on any planned attacks they're gonna do. Sometimes he gets thrown out Super Mario 64 style by the tail (accidentally said he didn't get the problem with humans. Turned out, it was a Red Talons meeting).


• Lowkey a therian, he just thinks it's neat to be a wolf. Would never admit it (he's too facts and logic about it).

Sebastian LaCroix

⛧ Random Headcanons:

• As a Ventrue, he can feed only on the wealthy. He's picky!


• He learned English in London, around the same time he killed the hunter guy's dad. He's actually very proud of his English as he's incredibly fluent, and doesn't take kindly to people pelting him with jokes about British people on top of the normal French jokes.


• Speaking of, he hates how no one can ever pronounce his surname properly and has corrected people on it many, many times. "IT'S PRONOUNCED LA-KWA!"


• Regularly made fun of for said surname even when it is pronounced correctly because of the drink. If he ever has to hear another quip about that damn beverage...! Its to the point where even mentioning the drink itself casually will set him into a crabby mood for the rest of the night and I would not be surprised if he personally had a vendetta against National Beverage Corp.


• Short. 5'03". Does not like having his height brought up, and insists it was actually perfectly average height for his time. It was, but also, you are shorter than Napoleon was. And we call that guy short.


• Detests his sire, for he was embraced against his will and forced to leave the military as well as the rest of his life behind. While hundreds of years have passed and he's not mad about being a vampire specifically, if his sire showed back up he would fight his ass right then and there.


• Unsurprisingly, he was born wealthy and has always had a bit of an ego from it, but having been turned as a Ventrue and learning to wheel and deal his way to the very top has only fed into his ego. Except, vampirism is inherently traumatic and now he's got a massive chip on his shoulder.


• One of the vampires that spreads the myth of them being entirely sexless and disinterested in it. LaCroix absolutely experiences sexual desire, he's full of shit. He is female-leaning bisexual and probably has every sex worker in LA on speed dial, male and female. And of course, Jeanette Voerman pegging him? That wasn't a one time thing. At all. He'll never admit it, of course.


• Very close with Sheriff, kinda treats him as both an attack dog and as his personal teddybear. Is he and Sheriff a thing? Maybe? Who knows with him.


• Forgets Chunk exists until its convenient to get him to do something for him.

Therese and Jeanette Voerman

⛧ Random Headcanons:

• Therese and Jeanette as alters are...Complicated. Initially, Therese was the sole personality, with Jeanette having been an actual sister. Sadly, the sister passed away long ago, while Therese was rather young, and so an alter formed modeled off of her. Therese and Jeanette weren't the sole alters, but they were the most consistent ones as the others came and went, and the only ones they felt safe around. When Therese was institutionalized, Jeanette was repressed heavily and went dormant, while fragments ran around trying to mask as "healthy" in hopes of being freed. The day never came, but she was embraced by a Malkavian who snuck in and then escaped with him. With the Malkavian blood, she could no longer repress Jeanette and she became far more dominant as an alter, leading to their relationship growing strained as Jeanette became fiercely independent.


• It's been a while since she's seen her sire, but both women are grateful that they at least got to escape the asylum with the embrace (and in Jeanette's case, be allowed to roam freely). Though is he ever gonna come back? Therese swallows the discomfort down as "He's busy. He has better things to do.", while Jeanette is all "COME BACK...COME BACK JACOB!" and cries about it every now and then.


• Therese is a germaphobe and will not feed from people who are unclean looking. In general, she doesn't like touching anyone even for a handshake and will go out of her way to avoid anything dirty. Or anything that even looks dirty. She knows it's irrational as a vampire who cannot get sick, she just doesn't wanna TOUCH THE DIRTY THING. Her biggest trigger in this regard is anything that's sticky or slimy. Which is a problem when your alter loves that shit. Jeanette's not easily grossed out at all on the flipside as she's been through hell and back, and she's a vampire. It's safe! But yes, this is actually what motivated Therese to ghoul Vandal and make him sell blood bags, as it's "cleaner" and she'll know where it comes from (on top of having a monopoly in Santa Monica, of course).


• Therese is straight up terrified of cockroaches. She has literally had to go hand to hand combat with the things Andrei builds in his spare time but she'd rather Final Die than touch a cockroach with a thick rubber glove. In general, she is not a fan of bugs because they have two many legs. And they move too fast. It's unsettling! Jeanette isn't afraid, though, which means she'll leave fake rubber bugs on the floor to see if Therese will fly upwards like those videos of cats with cucumbers. She does aND ITS NOT FUNNY, JEANETTE.


• On top of DID and C-PTSD, Therese has OCD, mostly around things that are "contaminated", doing rituals around it such as washing her hands constantly and obsessively checking to see if something's "safe". Jeanette, on the other hand, is insanely clingy and very prone to manipulating people out of fear that she'll be abandoned. Both of these girls need therapy.


• Jeanette has a mischiveous streak that Therese has been on the receiving end of, but she'll gladly do it to others if she's close to them. It's fun!


• Post-"Girls let's work together", Therese doesn't abuse Jeanette as much and Jeanette's backed off more...Though, they still clash every now and then, mostly very petty bickering about the dumbest shit ever. Like arguing about tax laws. Or the ethics of fucking Gangrels when they use Protean.


• 5'6 normally, but with heels she reaches a whopping 5'7! Wow! Scary! (That is, if you're Vandal and his 90 flavors of mommy issues).


• Speaking of, Therese is very abusive to him, mostly throwing things at his head, slamming Dementate on him every two seconds and telling him lovely things like "KILL YOURSELF" and "THIS IS WHY YOUR DAD LEFT FOR CIGARETTES". Jeanette is less over the top cruel but will often guilt-trip him and lovebomb him to get him to do things for her. Not that Vandal doesn't deserve this treatment.


• In general, Therese has a tendency to throw things when she's mad, though she's also punched holes in the wall every now and then. Jeanette also throws things a lot.

Vandal Cleaver

⛧ Random headcanons:

• His name is actually legally Vandal Cleaver. He changed it because he thought he was a vampire and thought his original name was really lame. Will legit get pissy if you refer to him by his birth name. What's his birth name? Idk probably something lame like Billy lol.


• Good news, Therese doesn't call him his NOT REAL NAME no more. She calls him "rat", "roach", "idiot", and whatever other mean thing she lobs at him. She straight up calls him "Ghoul" a lot, tpp. If you let Therese live, that woman is armed with words like "Incel", "cuck", "manlet" and god knows what else today.


• 5'6". Not very tall, upset but also turned on that the Voermans are taller than him on heels.


• Hispanic! Diversity win! The serial killer goblin at the blood bank is Hispanic! He can speak Spanish. Mostly when he's angry or very frustrated with something because he's swearing in it.


• He's Therese's ghoul, but Jeanette is allowed to be near him...Occasionally. Mostly when Jeanette wants something from him, without Therese knowing. He refers to Jeanette as "Crazy Bitch" and she lets him do it because wowwwwww so kinkyyyyyyyyy even though Therese HATES that language about her sister (who she throws things at, but still). In general, he's often strung along for very dumb quests at random hours of the day and falls for it because they have big boobies.


• While he was always sadistic and unwell, pre-ghouling he was able to mask a lot better and just came off as only slightly creepy. Post-ghouling and he is a full on freak not able to hide it well. Thankfully for him, he's always been known as a bit of a space cadet so they just assume it's him being himself.


• Experiences fits of psychosis which in turn have brought out a lot of rage that in the past, he at least had under control. Having these episodes have made him far more irritable. On top of the uh, everything else.


• Sorry guys he's misogynist-coded, dude looks like he uses 4chan and is hated by the other incels for being weirdly ominous on there. In general, he's not very fond of women on top of being not very fond of everyone as is, viewing them as "deceitful" and seethes that women kinda don't wanna go near him. Gee, I wonder why they don't wanna go near this guy.


• Doesn't take the best care of himself, as you could probably ascertain just from looking at him. Reeks of BO, blood and bleach. He's overworked by Therese and is genuinely unwell that showering slips his mind often. He knows he reeks, but he's literally having nonstop psychotic episodes and also has to fill up thirteen orders this second, he doesn't care right now.


• Runs off of caffeine, chugs black coffee and energy drinks constantly and the only reason he hasn't died from a heart attack is the vampire blood. One time Beckett got a blood bag from him but didn't wanna give him money so he just went down to the vending machines, grabbed the most lethal looking energy drink and then gave it to him as payment. It worked.


• Also drinks cough syrup straight from the cabinets when no one is looking. What's that, you got a sore throat and the hospital's out of cough syrup? It's this fucker. Pelt him with tomatoes.


• Has very low-level Dementate, Obfuscate and Auspex. While enjoys using Dementate on his poor victims, he's more likely to be using Obfuscate to hide when Therese is mad at him...Only to be instantly caught when she uses Auspex and finds him in a second.

Linky-Links